There is Joy To Be Had

Written by Jeremy Hawkins

Mel Armendariz is married to a ‘husband with wings’ and is the mother of two beautiful children, a 9 year old daughter and a 6 year old son.

This is Amazing!

“Jeremy Hawkins this is AMAZING and simply how I’ve been living daily for the past 10 months.” This was Mel Armendariz’s reaction to our introductory blog post. I responded with an invitation to share her story and she graciously accepted, and in doing so, she taught me that regardless of our circumstances, there is joy to be had.

Baseball Connections

I first became acquainted with Mel and her husband Shane while coaching their daughter on a tee ball team.  Shortly thereafter my son began playing on a competitive team that Shane’s brother coached. Before long, Shane began to help coach as well.  I occasionally saw Mel at tournaments where her little boy would hang out with my kids while she watched the game with me and my wife. Our conversations during those games were usually light and casual, so it wasn’t until we met a few weeks ago that I learned the in-depth details of Mel’s story. What follows is a replay of that conversation.   

Mel’s Story

To say 2023 was a rough year is an understatement.  In February of that year, Mel’s 30-year-old brother passed away from brain cancer.  Mel was given power of attorney towards the end of his life, a burden that had a profound effect on her.  She spent the last 6 weeks of his life with him, at times angry with God for what was happening. The result was a need for her to rediscover her faith after his passing.  

Fast forward to June. Mel, Shane, and their kids went on vacation to visit Mel’s older brother and his family in Texas. While there, Shane suffered a stroke.  The damage associated with the stroke was severe and Mel was again faced with the responsibility and burden of power of attorney. Shane would have no quality of life were he to remain alive, so Mel made the difficult decision to end any life-saving medical assistance.  She was devastated.  

At this very low point, Mel was approached by Shane’s doctors with the question of organ donation.  Mel knew that had been a preference of Shane’s and so she gave her consent. Choosing to do so was, in a sense, a godsend, as it has been a healing balm for Mel. At that point, she could have fallen into a deep hole, furious with God. Instead, she was able to find and focus on the following blessings:

• The organ donation solidified God’s presence for Mel and altered her grief process.
• The organ donation helped numerous people. For example (and there are others):
  • Shane’s kidneys went to two men, saving their lives
  • Shane’s corneas went to one female and one male, giving them the gift of sight.
• The stroke happened in Texas, away from the rigors and responsibilities of regular life.
  • In the days before the stroke, Mel saw Shane more relaxed than he had been for some time.
  • Mel was also blessed with quiet, one-on-one time with Shane, something that might not have happened had they been home. 
  • When Shane passed, Mel had the support of her surviving brother (who had also been with her through the death of their brother four months before).
• Mel saw how many people Shane had touched (800+ people attended his funeral service). 
• Mel was blessed and touched by several coworkers who gifted her with their paid time off and/or cash gifts, giving her time (in addition to her own PTO) to work through her grief and support her kids through their grief before returning to work.  
• Because of the life planning she and Shane did after her brother passed, Mel was able to shift to part-time work, allowing her to have more time with their children.  

He Was There All Along

Mel is an extraordinary person. Rather than letting these intensely difficult experiences break her, she has chosen to let them build her up and strengthen her faith. As she shared her story with me, one of the things that stood out most was her statement that, at times, she had thought God was absent in her life, but now she can see He was there all along.  After she told me this, she recounted various things that happened in the past that were proof of God’s presence and guidance. For example, her decision to go into medicine years ago. Mel explained that that (guided) choice prepared her for what she went through with her brother and her husband.  Another example, life insurance. Because of her brother’s passing, she and Shane obtained a life insurance policy. That policy has allowed Shane to continue to care for his family, something Mel sees as extremely important and something she is very proud of. 

There is Joy To Be Had

In Mel’s final moments with Shane, she promised him she would not sit in her sadness and that she would give their kids their best life to honor him.  And that is what she has done and and continues to do every day.  For her, not sitting in her sadness has been all about the little things.  It has been her noticing random songs that she and Shane enjoyed, songs that still bring her joy, not sorrow. It has been her and her kids sharing three positive things from their days at the end of each day.  It has been Mel and her kids being comfortable speaking openly and often about Shane. Perhaps Mel’s statement best sums it up,  “There is hope in absolute tragedy and joy to be had.”

God is On Our Side

Mel says that she would not be where she is today without seeing the blessings associated with the untimely passing of her brother and her husband. She still has hard days and knows there are more to come, but because of her perspective, she has been able to find strength and live life with faith, not fear. This brings to mind the story from 2 Kings 6. There, Elisha tells his servant, “Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them” (verse 16).  God is on our side and He will help us through hard things. Mel is a living testament to that.